For those who are single but dating, and desire a Christ-centered relationship, I would have loved it if I had a list of questions like this when I was dating. Though I do have a wonderful husband now, asking myself questions like this may have helped to save me from a lot of heartache in my past! Questions are written from a woman’s perspective, but could be interchangeable.
About this man…
1. How well do I know this man?
2. What specifically attracts me to him?
3. Looking past the initial “gooey” feelings, what have I noticed that does NOT attract me?
4. Has he told me about any of his past failures? What was his personal reaction to those failures? Was there always someone else to blame for them?
5. Have I had an opportunity to learn about or observe his coping skills? How would I say they are? Good? Lacking?
6. How does he define success?
7. How does he define love?
About God and this man…
8. What kind of things has God shown me about this man? Have I been willing to truly listen, good or bad?
9. Is he Christ centered?
10. Can he lead me, be my head and my covering?
11. Can he provide me with spiritual conversation and guidance and help me deepen my relationship with God, or does he pull me away from that relationship?
12. Am I comfortable praying with him or reading scripture or spiritual books/passages, having spiritual discussions?
13. Where is God in the midst of this relationship? Has he been in the forefront, or have I just been trusting it will all work out?
14. If I feel the Lord Himself is growing deep within me a love for this man, and see him as being the only one for me, am I willing to cling to him for as long as we both shall live?
15. If for whatever reason the Lord began to show me that my affections for this man are not sustaining, have I gone too far in my physical relationship with him to turn back?
About our life together…
16. My heart is choosing this man. Do I see myself with him for a lifetime? What does that lifetime look like? What does the “for better or for worse” look like from where I’m standing? Am I willing to be there for both?
17. What kind of life would we live together?
18. Does that align with where I want to go, with what I want to be? If not, how strong are my feelings towards those things?
19. What about the sense of where God is leading me, does he align with that?
20. If not, where is God leading him? Should I pray about aligning with that instead?
21. What if he is not being led by God, where does that leave me, leave us?
About my network of support, my family…
22. Where on the map would we live? Is this a place of my choosing, or his?
23. Does he like my family, or does he pull me away from them and/or others? How does this make me feel?
24. What do I think of his family? Really think?
About how we interact together…
25. Have we had our first argument or disagreement? What was it about? Can I live with the fact that he may be different from me in that respect?
26. How did he behave during the argument? Did he get angry? Did he get physical? Did he remain respectful?
27. Do we argue often?
28. Do I immediately see things about him that need to be “changed”?
29. Can I recognize that in itself as a red flag, and understand it is not up to me to change this man, but to love him as Christ loves him and to pray for him daily?
30. Could I live with him if he never changed?
31. What if it is more than his character that changes? If something were to happen to him physically and he were no longer able to provide for me, what would my reaction be?
32. What expectations am I bringing into this relationship?
33. Am I in this relationship only for what I can get (security, a place, romance, status, affirmation…)?
34. When the “new” wears off and I have gotten what I wanted, is what I wanted what I needed? What I prayed for?
35. Am I moving too fast?
36. Are there any red flags I am choosing to ignore?