When Self is on the Throne

Originally written around the summer of 1995

“For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His…” II Chronicles 16:9, NASV

This past week has been a real struggle for me.  It seems I have been allowing the cares of this world to choke the life of God right out, and daily tasks become a drudge.  I hate ruts!  How quickly our hearts can grow cold as our eyes begin to focus on the circumstances around us rather than on the Lord Himself.  It is then that even discipleship and ministry become a task, an inconvenience, rather than a passion.  Obedience becomes an attitude of “I have to” rather than “I get to”.  Psalms 119, however, speaks of how the law of the Lord was the joy of David’s heart, and he delighted in keeping it.  The “I have to” attitude should be to us like a red flag waiving in the wind!

A few nights ago as my mom was praying over the evening meal, she ended by saying “Lord, I hope we blessed you today”.  That thought hit my soul like a ton of bricks.  Had I been a blessing to the Lord that day?  My attitude, my thoughts, my actions; had they been pleasing in the sight of the Lord?  I know the Lord delights in me personally, but I had to admit that the day had not been exactly what I would call “pleasing” to Him.  It was rather uneventful in the light of the Kingdom, you might say.  So I repented, crying “Lord, make my heart pure in your sight! I don’t want a heart that is so easily turned aside by other things.  Set me free to worship you as I was created to”!

Free to worship!  To express God’s love through me.  To others, yes, but back towards Him as well.  Mom’s prayer was so on target!  It was exactly what I needed to bring me back into the reality of Christ in me, the hope of glory!

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